My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
