ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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