I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
