I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
