Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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