EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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