I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
