Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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