It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
