I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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