so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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