You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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