Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
His hands were made for my vagina.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
