Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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