I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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