Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
