i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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