dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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