I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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