who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
