I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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