Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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