There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
