Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Why are your pants in the freezer?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
