So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
