The brown eye won't let me do that either.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
