You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
