capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
