like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
