I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
