Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
