Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
