i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
