It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
