the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
vagina is talking i cant
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
