I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
