U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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