Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
