I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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