Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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