Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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