I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
