During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have aggressive nipples.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
