Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
