i already hear my dad disowning me
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
