After last night, I could never be a politician.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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