My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
