I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
