I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
