Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
