weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
